Week One - Progress Report/Results.

Wow, what a week of banter and weight loss. If it wasn't clear this is a vicious-fight-to-the-death competition in last weeks blog, let it be noted in this, that it is. Unconfirmed rumours of hour long sauna sessions, red food only diets, Insanity workouts, thirty kilometre bike rides, liposuction and enemas have all been mooted. 

Banter has been rife. Nick purchased an iPad and set about humouring himself by doctoring pictures of the fellow Cat Funts.




Nick: left          
Will: centre
Ian: right

Nick clearly felt his ability to put a face on another persons body would aid his weight loss, there is no other explanation. Not to be outdone, Ian responded with a superimposed picture of Nick -

 

This, however, did backfire somewhat as anyone who saw this picture thought it was Ian, not Nick.   

The lads went to serious extremes on Tuesday morning as they donned their spandex and pink for an hour long Zumba class, of which two of them were quite good... Ian wasn't.

All the Cat Funts have worked tirelessly to bring their weights down. All are confident they can win. Lets see how it went this week...

Official Results - Week One

Ok, last weeks weights were:

Ian Lazenbury - 99.4 kg (15st 9lb)
Will Neylon - 121.6 kg (19st 2lb)
Nick Lewis - 102.3 kg (16st 1lb)

This week:

Ian Lazenbury

97.4 kg (15st 5lb) -2%

A tremendous effort from the Laz man. Clearly running up eight flights of stairs four hundred times a day works. He later unveiled he was so confident he had a curry before the weigh in.





Will Neylon

 118.7kg (18st 9lb) -2.4%

Great effort. Had the most weight to lose but he lost it. Will wasn't confident before the weigh in, he had a relapse and ate crisps and ice cream the night before triggering a day without food or water. It worked, but at what cost?



Nick Lewis

 103.9kg (16st 5lb) +1.4%

Ha ha ha ha aha. He put weight on! How did he do that? Ha ha aha. You're supposed to lose weight whilst on a diet aren't you?


Forfeit

The Cat Funt Club doesn't celebrate winners, no, it punishes losers. Nick Lewis, you are one hell of a loser. The forfeit (Nick's idea) as promised, a small tub of peanut butter on a garlic naan with a three onion bhaji chaser. Enjoy.

Nutritional information. We were assured by
the Thai staff that this tub contained 2400 calories.

Thankfully Nick loves peanut butter.

Nick may look fat (obviously), demonic
and angry but this forfeit was his idea.




After a brief deliberation Will and Ian decide this is not an empty
 pot and Nick must scrape it clean.



The forfeit was hardly eating a dead mans toe but if you consider that Nick can't lose weight even when he tries then this four thousand calorie delight is not a good starting point for next weeks weigh in. As this weeks loser Nick gains the privilege of deciding upon next weeks forfeit, and being the original man that he is has decided to go for the same again. Judging by this weeks performance he must have quite enjoyed it because as it stands he's odds on favourite to be stuffing it down again. Well done Nick, this weeks Cattest Funt.

Will, looking thin with his celebratory
'light' beer.

Ian, looking thin with his celebratory
'light' beer.

Cat Funt Down!

Earlier the question of Will's extreme weight loss techniques was asked and unfortunately they have been answered. He has twisted his knee playing football. Some say he was trying to lose weight too hard. So despite winning comfortably this week Will is now unable to perform any kind of exercise other than Wrist Shaking for up to a month. What this means to his weight loss plans, only time will tell...

Next Weigh In - 19th September @ 'Fishermans Rest'
 

Introduction/Competition Format:

The 'Cat Funt Club' was borne of necessity. When three men are so desperate to lose weight, but too cowardly and proud to admit to dieting, they gather, and as in this case, a 'club' is set up and a competition filled with complicated rules and incredible forfeits is organised. Yes, this is a classic case of proud men 'dieting' behind the 'hilarity' and pain of a stupid 14 week fast.

Today, the 6th of September 2012, the three contenders weighed themselves in neutral and agreed upon surroundings. The winner of this competition will be the contender who has lost the highest percentage of today's weight against the final weight recorded when the competition ends on the 14th of December 2012.

A £100,000 car token is up for grabs (somewhere).

To keep the contenders fresh and the competition interesting, a weekly weigh in has been agreed upon. The loser of each week will have to pay a small fine (contributing to the car token) and complete a horrible forfeit (details of this weeks forfeit are at the bottom of this post).

Below is a short insight into the mindset of each of the contenders. All are considered obese by the NHS - The 'Ideal (Healthy) weight' catalogued is the top end of what graphs and stats tell them they should weigh. Today's weights are at the bottom of this post.


Meet the Contenders:



Name:Nick Lewis 
Height:5ft 9
Age:39
Ideal (Healthy) Weight: 76.8kg


The joker among the pack. Talks a good game but can he walk? He certainly can't run. Only time will tell...

Here are Nick's answers to the five obligatory 'Cat Funt Club' Questions:

Why are you getting involved? I don't actually need to lose weight as I already have the perfect figure. Being a professional dancer I'm simply taking advantage of the opportunity to exercise.

What do you hope to gain from this experience? Fun times with friends and being able to shop in Thailand for cloths that fit!

Who is your weight loss idol? Christian Bale. Not only have we worked together but I hope to go from  'Batman' to 'The Machinest' just like my friend Christian.

How do you plan to win? I will put them to sleep, insert a tube and feed a concoction of peanut butter and lard into the stomach of the other 'Cat Funts'.

What is your favourite colour? What the fuck has that got to do with weight loss?

Delirious but genius, Nick's game is clearly to plead insanity and it's that madness that puts him among the favourites at this early first day stage...

Name: Ian Lazenbury
Height: 5ft 7
Age: 45
Ideal (Healthy) Weight: 72.4kg


Educated, driven, active, well spoken, but also FAT... Is this Ian's final chance of achieving that perfect body? ONLY time will tell...

Here are his answers to the five obligatory 'Cat Funt Club' questions:

Why are you getting involved? To make you two losers weep

What do you hope to gain from this experience? Baggy Trousers

Who is your weight loss idol? Dinosaurs

How do you plan to win? Amputation

What is your favourite colour? Beer

Straight to the point, clear and humorous. Ian is clearly among the favourites at this early first day stage.

Name: Will Neylon
Height: 6ft
Age: 27
Ideal (Healthy) Weight: 83.6kg

 'Obese since 2004, never have I wanted to lose weight more', Will his musical background help him lose weight? Only time will tell...

Here's Will's answers to the five obligatory 'Cat Funt Club' questions:

Why are you getting involved? To save the NHS.

What do you hope to gain from this experience? There's only three things I haven't lost since 2004; my wife, my daughter and weight. I'm hoping this experience will give me a break from weight gain and a chance to find all the things I lost.

Who is your weight loss idol? Sally Taylor. She's never been fat as such but she's very organised and could cope if she did pile on a pound or two.

How do you plan to win? A complex mix of shaving everyday and squeezing all my spots.

What is your favourite colour? Puss white.

Thought provoking answers from very dull questions. It's Will's capacity to turn dull into bright that stands him among the favourites at this early first day stage.


Today's Weights:
















Nick Lewis - 102.3kg



















Will Neylon - 121.6kg





 

Ian Lazenbury - 99.4kg









 
Weekly Forfeit:

This week it has been decided that half a tub of peanut butter on a large naan bread and three onion bhaji's shall be sufficient enough punishment for the contender who records the lowest percentage of weight lost.

Next weigh in - Wed 12th Sep @ 'Fishermans rest'.